


Revival

by soundofthestars



Category: Phandom
Genre: Dorks in Love, Friendship/Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-04 08:17:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10987044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundofthestars/pseuds/soundofthestars
Summary: What if everytime you fell in love a tattoo started to appear on your skin? How do you hide such a tattoo from your best friend?♡"Do you have any?""Just one." Dan pulled his hand away, but kept close to Phil, his eyes studying the other tattoos. The tone of his voice had been dismissive, but Phil stared at him in question. Dan's voice was kind but firm when he spoke again. "I'm not showing you my back if I can't see yours."So it was on his back. That made an ache start in Phil's chest.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Something a little different from my usual stuff. Feedback/constructive criticism would be lovely~  
> (Will add the next chapter tomorrow sometime!)

For every time you fall in love a tattoo appears on a part of your body, forever etched into your skin. It starts small and simple, but the farther and harder you fall, the bigger and more intricate it grows. Some have no tattoos while others have several in their lifetime. For those who have tattoos, when a new one develops, the old ones never disappear. They only fade. That was both good and bad.

Phil Lester knew that better than anyone. The more tattoos you had, the harder it was to hide them if you didn't want them to be seen. Phil was twenty-five and already had eleven tattoos. Older generations frowned upon that, but he couldn't help it.

The positive was that each tattoo was never the same, an array of colors splashed onto his skin with each experience. Phil was particularly fond of the red rose resting on the inner part of his hip (to the lower left of his navel). Another one that he enjoyed staring at in the mirror was the small star with the watercolor sky shooting along his clavicle. Each tattoo meant something different, a memento from the relationship. The rose represented a passionate love whereas the star represented one of the best summers of his university life under a starry sky with a girl that was visiting his small hometown.

-

If a love turned sour the tattoo would lose its color. It would slowly make its way to a persons back, not allowing itself to be seen. It was a mark of shame for most. For others, it was a relief. But not for Phil. He bore two colorless tattoos. The first tattoo to move to his back had unfortunately been from him falling out of love with his best friend. His first tattoo, first love, had been a disaster. The dove that had been so pure and beautiful had turned black and by the time the tattoo reached his back, the birds wings were broken. Phil cried for weeks, but not because his first love didn't work out. He was over that when he saw his former best friend snogging someone else only a week later. He cried because the bird that he had so adored was broken and tainted. It wasn't something to be proud of.

The second tattoo on his back was the most recent of all his tattoos. He and his girlfriend of a year and a half had broken up only just a few weeks ago. Instead of the simple heart on his wrist, it was a heart now split in half on either side of the broken-winged dove.

He and Kayla had been fighting a lot towards the end of their relationship. Mostly over their living situation. She wanted Dan to move out or for Phil to move in with her.

It just wasn't possible. Not being with Dan was unthinkable. They were the best of friends. No relationship was worth losing Dan. Even if he broke his own heart in the process.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “C’mon, not that look. It’s fine.” Dan laughed. “It’s old. They’re happier now.”
> 
> “Are you happier now?” Dan’s face fell for a brief second, a look of pain fleeting across his face.
> 
> “Of course not, but if you love someone sometimes you have to let them go, right?”
> 
> “What if they love you too?”

“Phil, are you awake?” Dan’s voice was loud. Too loud for his hangover. Phil groaned and grumbled, rolling onto his stomach. He hugged his pillow and felt himself start to drift away again.

Then the door started to open.

Phil moved swiftly, hiding his back from Dan before he noticed the tattoos that stretched across his upper back. But he had been too late. Dan’s eyes were wide. “You never told me about those.”

Phil sat up in bed, reluctantly allowing the blanket to fall from his chest. His head pounded painfully as he squinted at Dan. Dan was staring openly at him. It was the first time the younger one had ever seen him shirtless. And what was in view wasn’t even half of it. Dan only knew of four tattoos. Phil had nine, not counting the ones on his back.

“What is tha-?”

“Let me wake up first, Dan." Phil cut Dan off politely. Dan shuffled out with a nod. As soon as Dan was gone Phil ran his hands over his face, which was flushed with embarrassment now. No one but his lovers had seen him shirtless and only Kayla had seen his back. On accident. He always preferred not to bare his back to anyone. It was a terrible sight. Kayla had gasped when she first saw. God. He remembered how she gasped, half in horror and half in sorrow. Dan obviously hadn’t seen what was exactly on his back, but he knew that there was something that Phil hadn’t told him. And they had known each other for 5 years already.

After heaving a sigh Phil slipped on a pair of pajama pants and a shirt sluggishly. Then he grabbed his glasses. It wasn’t often that he wore them but there was no way he was going to get his contacts in at this time.

When he finally stumbled into the lounge Dan was just closing the shades. Phil gave him a grateful look.  
“So…” Dan trailed off, eyes meeting his expectantly.

Phil got the hint. He sat on sofa but before peeling his shirt off Phil gave him a long look. “I have more than others, Dan…” Dan sat nervously beside Phil, hands tugging at his own sleeves. Once Phil peeled his shirt off, he leaned back against the cushions quickly, hiding his back. After settling in comfortably Phil started to count the number of tattoos. One behind his ear, the starry sky across his collar, one on his forearm. Dan knew about those three, but only had seen two completely. (Phil avoided V-necks and open collars just to keep Dan from seeing too much.) There was a tattoo that stretched along his shoulder, one on his lower stomach, two on his thighs, a small one on his ankle, and finally one along his ribs.

Phil sat still with his eyes trained on Dan. This was nerve-wracking. All Phil wanted to do was melt into the cushions. The expression on the others face made Phil’s own face burn hotter. Instead of being put-off the younger looked awed. As if he couldn’t stop himself Dan’s fingers brushed Phil’s ribs. Phil shivered under the soft touch but didn’t shy away. He shut his eyes as Dan leaned in closer, heart leaping into his throat.

“Behind my ear.” Phil didn’t move for fear of making Dan pull away. At first he thought he would dread this moment, but instead he was almost shivering with anticipation. The side of Dan’s hand was warm against his neck as he moved the hair out of the way. Goosebumps rose along his arms. This was so much more intimate than he could have thought possible. Revealing his tattoos in such a way was embarrassing, but liberating.

“You’re a beautiful person, loving so many.” There was a longing in Dan’s voice. Phil opened his eyes as Dan’s palm pressed against his neck again, his thumb tracing the corner of his jaw.

"Do you have any?"

"Just one." Dan pulled his hand away, but kept close to Phil, his eyes studying the other tattoos. The tone of his voice had been dismissive, but Phil stared at him in question. Dan's voice was kind but firm when he spoke again. "I'm not showing you my back if I can't see yours."

So it was on his back. That made an ache start in Phil's chest.

“C’mon, not that look. It’s fine.” Dan laughed. “It’s old. They’re happier now.”

“Are you happier now?” Dan’s face fell for a brief second, a look of pain fleeting across his face.

“Of course not, but if you love someone sometimes you have to let them go, right?”

“What if they love you too?”

“They don’t.” And then Dan was gone. He was in the kitchen grabbing breakfast, leaving Phil wondering why he was so sure.

-

“Dan.”

Dan looked up from his computer with a lazy smile. It grew into a grin when he saw what Phil was wearing. A baggy shirt and shorts that ended above his knees. Tattoos poked out from underneath the shorts and one on his ankle caught Dan’s attention. It was the first time that Dan had seen Phil in something other than pajama bottoms or skinny jeans. Phil sat beside Dan and draped his legs over his when Dan moved the computer to the coffee table. Dan’s hands hesitantly touched his shins. The tattoo drew him in however. Dan gently grabbed Phil’s ankle and lifted his foot to eye level.

The tattoo was gorgeous. It was a blue jay that was settled in a nest, looking content with life.

“What about those ones?” Dan rested his arms across Phil’s shins and stared at him. Phil blushed yet again.  
“They, uh, go pretty high.” Phil pointed to a spot on his upper thigh with a nervous laugh. “I can’t show you.”

Dan ran his fingers down Phil’s calf absently, thinking. Phil pulled his legs away quickly.

“Phi-“ Dan started to complain, but stopped when he looked to Phil’s face. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Just not used to showing off.” Phil smiled a little. Dan’s face was flushed now. His hands wrung nervously on his lap. Phil tilted his head in question. “You okay?”

“O-of course.”

“Does it make you nervous? To see me this way?”

“I want to know you more than I do now.” Dan admitted.

Phil reached out to ruffle Dan’s hair. “We have forever, Dan.”

“Don’t be so sure.” Dan murmured and grabbed his computer, refusing to look over at Phil after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback/constructive criticism is welcome! Thanks for reading! Update will be within the next couple of days!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He spun the bottle with more force than necessary this time around so when the bottle started to slow down he took a deep breath.
> 
> Dan.
> 
> Phil would have to kiss Dan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit all over, but hopefully not too bad? (Who am I kidding? It's a mess)

Weeks had passed and Dan still hadn’t stared at him like he used to. It made Phil feel like he had done wrong by showing off his tattoos. It was now Phil staring after Dan, wondering how to make everything right. What could he say? Apologizing certainly wasn't happening as Phil really did hope that they had forever.

-

Phil stood shirtless in the hall, waiting for Dan to wake up. For an hour he paced around deciding whether or not he should just go grab his shirt. This was the best he could come up with after weeks of agonizing. Phil would bare his back to the person he cared for most. Forget his fear and shame. But what would Dan say? How would he react? What-

Dan’s door open unexpectedly, leaving Phil with no choice but to go forward. Dan blinked the sleep away, staring warily at Phil.

“Phil? Is everything okay?” The younger boy had directed the question at him, but his eyes were focused on his torso. They were studying him again, just as they had before. Heat trailed down Phil's neck. He found that he couldn't stare at Dan while Dan was staring at him.

“Did I hurt you?” Phil ignored the question and asked his own. Dan shook his head slowly, eyes darting to Phil’s.

“No. I was just overthinking.” Dan stepped forward until he was just a couple of inches from Phil. Phil could feel the heat radiating from him. It was a safe warmth. Dan then reached his hand out, surprising Phil when their skin _didn’t_ meet. His bedroom door swung open behind him and Dan turned away.

“Go get your shirt on, you nerd.”

His ears were red, Phil noticed with a small smile. He slipped back into his room to grab a shirt.

-

“Why were you going to show me?” The question was sudden. Dan sounded hesitant however.

“I thought it would make everything okay again.”

“What do you mean?” Dan looked nervous, knowing he had done wrong.

“You don’t look at me as much lately. I wanted you to see me. I want to let you know me, I guess.”

The look on Dan’s face was one of utter embarrassment now. “Y-you noticed me staring?”

“I never minded.”

“You didn’t? Even when you were dating her?”

Phil looked away from Dan and at the tv. _Her._ Kayla. “No. Why would I? You've always looked at me. It makes me feel like everything is okay, honestly."

Dan's face flushed red. His fingers fiddled with the television remote and it was his turn to avoid looking at Phil this time. "You're incredible, you know that?"

"So are you. Can we go back to being normal now?" Phil smiled, nudging Dan gently. Dan nodded, barking out a laugh as Phil's shoulder dug into his ribs. "C'mon, we have to figure out what we're wearing for the party later."

-

Phil couldn't believe he had been roped into this immature high school game. Irritation bubbled up, eyebrows furrowing as he looked around for Dan. Irritation gave way to curiosity when he finally found him. The younger male was in the doorway, seeming to be arguing with PJ. At PJ's next words, Dan froze. His cheeks darkened with color. When Dan glanced over, Phil gave a small wave, beckoning him over. Dan shoved past PJ and plopped down on the floor beside Phil.

"Everything okay with you guys?"

"Yeah. PJ was just being PJ." Dan muttered with an eye roll.

"Trying to get us together again, yeah?" Phil smirked, leaning back on his palms as he stared at Dan. He tilted his head with a sigh. "He tries so hard. Poor man."

"That's exactly what he was doing!" Dan exclaimed, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "Like, how is he going to make sure the bottle lands on you when I spin? Impossible!"

"Oh ho ho, so that's what you were arguing about?" Phil leaned closer to Dan. He knew he smelled of alcohol, but he hoped Dan wouldn't mind. "What if he accomplishes it?"

"Sod off, Phil." Dan laughed heartily. His eyes drifted from Phil's face to the tattoo behind his ear. There was a tension hanging in the air. Or maybe Phil was imaging it. He was a bit tipsy after all. They continued their conversation easily after that. A majority of the tension dissipated as the minutes ticked by. Before he knew it, it was his turn to spin. Phil briefly kissed the person across from him before continuing his conversation with Dan.

Dan spun and took his turn, not caring for the cheers that went up when he kissed Louise. There was no chemistry between them. It was a kiss that didn't mean anything. By the time it went full circle and it was Phil's turn again he had kissed two more people and Dan had a count of three. He spun the bottle with more force than necessary this time around so when the bottle started to slow down he took a deep breath.

Dan.

Phil would have to kiss Dan.

Dan looked wide-eyed at Phil, unsure. He was frozen. Phil scooted closer, gauging Dan's comfort level. "Blast from the past?" Phil whispered, a smile playing at his lips. Dan grinned, shrugging now. He looked much more relaxed at those few words. Phil pressed his lips to Dan's. They both lingered, testing to see who would pull away first. Their lips moved clumsily together. Dan lost. His cheeks were as red as tomatoes when Phil leaned away to get a proper look at Dan. The cheers were at a deafening level compared to earlier. "Just as hesitant as ever."

Dan quirked an eyebrow, struggling to think of a comeback. "Shut up, you fucking dweeb."

By the time the party was over it was three in the morning. Dan was drunk, Phil was sober, and they had to somehow maneuver their way into an uber. Dan managed to slip himself across the seats so his legs were stretched out across the entirety of the back seat, back propped up against the opposite door. Phil swatted Dan's feet with a grumble. The ride home was spent listening to Dan sing along to Kanye West obnoxiously, kicking at Phil whenever he wanted. Phil stared at him, heaving a heavy sigh. Despite how annoying drunk Dan could be, it was better than a drunk Kayla. She would have gotten angry and locked herself away had Phil shown any annoyance. Dan was different. He fired back, not caring.

"Dan, please don't roll down the window. People are sleeping." He didn't listen. Phil leaned over, catching Dan's hand in his own. "Dan."

A scowl crossed Dan's face. "Fine.. Are we almost home?"

"We're just about to stop, actually. C'mon. You're going to need help up those stairs."

That was an understatement Phil realized after arriving home. Dan clung to Phil and Phil ended up having to support most of Dan's weight as they dangerously made the trek upstairs. By the time they had reached Dan's room, Phil had broken out in a sweat. Dan wasn't any better off. He stumbled to his bed, groaning miserably. Phil rummaged in Dan's drawers for pajamas knowing Dan hated sleeping in his jeans. After choosing something, Phil turned back towards Dan. The sight that met him made him stop in his tracks.

Dan's entire chest a collage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback/constructive criticism is welcomed! Thanks for reading this mess of a chapter! Next one will be better, I promise~!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't know how to leave you. You've been there for me constantly and I'm not sure what to do if you're not there. I want you in my life more than people I fall in love with. It's selfish, I know, but I'm putting myself first. You need to do that now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been forever! I have horrible writers block.
> 
> Constructive criticism/feedback is much appreciated!

Phil averted his eyes as he handed Dan his pajama bottoms. Multitudes of colors caught the corner of Phil's eye, but he resisted looking at his best friend. It would be the same as taking advantage of him. He was drunk, not consenting, and tattoos could be a very delicate subject.

"Phil?"

"Cover up, Dan. I'm not looking at you until you do. You're drunk and I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you."

"I don't mind if you look." Dan laughed quietly.

"You'll think differently in the morning when you're sober. I'm going now. If you need anything, let me know, okay?"

Phil shut Dan's door behind him and wandered to his room. What was that? Dan only said he had one on his back. Why had he lied..? Though, he knew he had no right to question him. After all, Phil never told him how many tattoos he had until recently. If Dan brought it up, Phil would ask. Otherwise, he wouldn't say a word. As Phil settled into bed, he realized he wasn't tired. Well, he was. It was his thoughts that kept him awake. When he did manage to fall asleep, his dreams were haunted by Kayla, who never bore a tattoo, and a Dan who abandoned him for someone else. \- "Phil?" Phil's bed shifted with someone else's weight. "Wake up." Phil bolted upright, looking around wildly. Tears welled up in his eyes and he couldn't catch his breath. "D-Dan? You okay?" "You were having a nightmare." Dan spoke softly. His hands cupped Phil's face, thumbs wiping away the falling tears. This wasn't the first time Dan had rushed into his room in the middle of the night to offer comfort. "Want to talk about it?" Phil shook his head, struggling to hold back his tears. Dan was here now, that was all that mattered. The thought soothed him immensely. When Phil pulled Dan closer, he gasped as their bare skin met. He hadn't realized that Dan was shirtless as well. Dan tensed, but he forced Phil to look at him, hands never leaving his face. "Don't look at me. It's embarrassing." "I promise." Phil smiled slightly. His hands hesitantly ran up Dan's sides. The urge for some sort of physical contact invaded his mind. It wasn't lust. Not even close. It was the thought of having another's warmth against him. It was a comforting feel. Dan's eyes widened with panic and confusion. He shivered at Phil's touch, unable to hide the reaction from Phil. "You're not trying anything, right? You're in a vulnerable state. I can't take advantage of you." Dan's voice was firm. "No, I won't try anything. I know you're uncomfortable with-" "I _was_ , not anymore." Dan interjected swiftly. Through the dim light streaming in from the window Phil could see Dan's face darken the slightest. Phil couldn't help but chuckle. "I won't try anything. I won't look at your chest. I just want closeness." Phil mumbled. His face grew hot under Dan's palms. There was a minute of silence before Dan responded. "Shut your eyes, you nerd." Dan laughed. Phil listened. It was suddenly cold when Dan was gone. But instead of hearing the bedroom door open and shut, Phil felt his bed shift again. "C'mon, let's go back to sleep. The sun isn't even up yet." A fluttering started in Phil's stomach as he crawled up next to Dan and slipped under the covers with him. This was more than he had been hoping for. Even if they didn't touch skin to skin, Phil felt comforted. It felt like old times again. Without the occasional kissing. He stared up at the ceiling for a good five minutes, smiling at the memories that flooded his head. They had been so close back then. When did that all st- Dan nestled up against Phil's side, interrupting his thoughts. "Too close?" Dan's sounded nervous, unsure if he was pushing past that thin line that they hadn't crossed in years. Phil rolled onto his side and pulled Dan flush against him, laughing. His face pressed against Phil's neck and Phil nuzzled his nose against Dan's hair. "Comfortable?" Dan sighed heavily, relaxing. That was a yes. Soon they were both in a comfortable sleep. One of the most comfortable either of them had had in a few years. The dream had been forgotten for now. \- When Phil awoke Dan was resting his torso across his chest, fingers idly tracing the rose on his stomach. Phil resisted the urge to take a peek at Dan's back and instead took a deep breath. As soon as he spoke he knew Dan would sit up so he shut his eyes tightly. "Morning." Dan did exactly as he predicted. "I'm sor- Oh god." Dan was about to apologize but then he realized his chest was in full view. He grabbed the blankets quickly. Phil waited until the bed was still before peeking his eyes open. "Did you see?" "No. I shut my eyes. I knew you would do that, don't worry." Phil sat up, stretching his arms into the air. "Oh, you can see them now." Heat crept into Phil's face as he pointed at his thighs. Dan grinned for a minute, shaking his head. His expression turned wistful. As if on auto-pilot, a question spilled from Phil's mouth before he could think it through. "You fell in love with a few people. What happened?" "One person. I fell in love with one person." Dan smiled, eyes meeting Phil's. They were warm. "That's just one?" Questions ran through Phil's mind. But he settled on kind words instead. "I hope they love you just as much as you love them." Wrong words. Dan's expression fell. "They don't know. And it's shifting. I'm trying to move on." Phil frowned at Dan. He opened his mouth to speak, but Dan shook his head vigorously. "Don't." "You'll regret it. They'll leave someday and you'll be left with bitter memories. Why not just admit your feelings?" Phil crossed his arms. Annoyance crept into his voice. Dan always backed out too quickly, kept his feelings in check. Dan sat up straighter, glaring daggers. "Explain to me why you do this to yourself. You deserve to be happy, Dan." "Says the one who broke up with his girlfriend just to stay here. You lost something precious just because you didn't want to leave me on my own. I can take care of myself, you know!" Dan snapped. "As for me, I'm not ready to admit my feelings, you fucking twat." "You'll never be ready, Dan. No one is ever ready! It's terrifying!" Phil paused, heart racing with adrenaline. Arguing with Dan was rare. So not as to come off as a hypocrite Phil spoke words he never had before. Words that made his voice shake with emotion and heart tighten in his chest. "I don't know how to leave you. You've been there for me constantly and I'm not sure what to do if you're not there. I want you in my life more than people I fall in love with. It's selfish, I know, but I'm putting myself first. You need to do that now." Dan stilled. His eyes were glossy with tears. "I can't do that, Phil. I can't put myself first. Not this time." Dan pushed himself to the side of the bed and stood, pulling the blanket with him. Phil turned away, knowing that's what Dan was waiting for so he could leave. The door slammed shut moments later, Phil now left alone with his thoughts and a cold bed.


End file.
